Wednesday, September 17, 2008

In the Land of Milk and Honey

Soy milk and generic tesco honey that is...

So, alive and kicking I have arrived! ... and there's not much else.

I'm in that traveler's fog that is actually probably jet lag, even though I don't get jet-lagged... just like I don't get hangovers or math.

(Even though should be one word. Eventhough someday it probably will be.)

But so far I have discovered this: that in Ireland, or at least at the Tescos (supermarkets not unlike Safeway) in Ireland, plastic bags to tote your groceries home in are not free. They are 22 cents. Okay, this is good, this encourages bringing your own bags and reduces environmental waste. Good job. Except that they SO aren't worth 22 cents.
Now, I didn't know this upon entering Tesco.

I didn't know this as I gathered up a hefty basket-full of goods (much of it of gluten-free, dairy-free stuff, praise Glory! I guessed that they'd do it better here because of the prevalence of Celiacs. I was right.)

I didn't know this as grabbed pointy-cornered things willy-nilly full of delirious pride and excitement. Shopping abroad, what what!

I only discovered this when I looked curiously at the checkout lady who didn't pack my bags and asked her for a few plastic ones.
22 cents.
Now, I'm not cheap, really, but that's a lot for a plastic bag. I got two.

I'll confess something: I was never a bagger at a grocery store when I was a child. My mom thought it would be a good 1st job. But I opted for a more glamorous job as a table-busser and -cleaner at a restaurant where I could begin a career in the food industry, setting my sights early on the bartender position. Anyway. I wasn't a bagger. I always thought that I had a pretty good idea of how to bag groceries, especially when I watched a surly incompetent throw all my crap in bags. I'd scoff. Don't put my canned goods on top of the bananas, punk, they will bruise them. Duh!
Oh how the mighty have fallen. Or at least, oh how the mighty's groceries have fallen. The pointy-cornered things sticking out at all angles. For some reason (not jet-lag) I though that it would be a good idea to stick all the big things in one bag and all the little things in another.
Oh how little I know about packing a good grocery bag.
Obviously everything fell.
But I swear it was not my fault! You don't believe me, it's okay. I have tricked you a little. I have just gone on and on about how bad I am at bagging, making you believe that it must have been my fault. I'm sorry. Let me explain.
The bags broke, but NOT because pointy angles triumphed over the flimsy plastic. No. The handles broke. The plastic handles decided to neatly separate on each bag. First one, then the other. Then another part of the handle would snap and I was stubbornly tying and re-tying them together so as to make the 20 minute walk home. You see, the bags broke and my groceries went flying/rolling around because the plastic bags were cheap. Not because I packed pointy-cornered things every which way. They broke because the 22 cent bags weren't worth their 22 cents.
So instead of saving 44 cents that an extra couple bags for double-bagging would have cost me, I had to pay 6 euro to take a cab back.
And what was left of the bags still split in two in the parking lot of my apartment complex, sending my food rolling, again, everywhere.
That is how it was not my fault.
And you can't say it was my fault because I packed the bags too heavy because... because. There's a good counter argument to that but I'm just not going to tell you it. So there.

Did I really just write for 20 minutes about how my grocery bags broke today? I'm so sorry.

Maybe I am a little tired after all. I mean it is like 11 pm here... not jet-lagged or anything...

1 comment:

Greeley's Ghost said...

Pops sez, if you hold the bags underneath, you're good to go. But then again, it's not a perfect world and plastic bags, even at 22 cents, aren't designed that well or what way.
I'd suggest eating straight out of the display cases at Tesco. Why? No broken bags, no dishes.
That's what I get paid the big bucks, baby!!!!!!