Saturday, October 4, 2008

Outside Mirrors

I'm having one of those days today. I'm in a mood, I guess you could say.
One of those mornings when everything is a little too dim and I can't focus on anything and can't really get myself to care about anything. My movements are slow and my limbs feel heavy. I haven't been crying but my eyes, cheekbones and nose feel swollen and sore as if I had. And I'm just kind of blue. Melancholy but not sad. I can't keep my thoughts in one place, and if I try, they are as blank and expressionless as my face no doubt is. It's been one of those mornings when I just want to throw things and break things. Glass, metal ceramic. Just to hear the noise it makes. Just to feel that disturbance. I accidentally dropped my spoon on the ceramic tile in out kitchen and it was the most pleasing and satisfying sound I could have heard in that moment. There were at least three distinct clangs and then a moment of clattering - metallic sharp and harsh.

I think I'll go for a walk.

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